I wrote a list of resolutions for this year. Most where actually tasks to complete, like finishing painting the house. Not really a resolution huh?
The usual weight loss, exercise, save money crap is a complete waste of time on me. I do what I can when I can.
So heading on into a little deep moment here, I have decided I only need one resolution for 2013 and it is to be something that will make me stronger – mentally.
The last 12 months have been really really shit in our world.
I could blame a lot of it on Lil D’s reflux but I won’t.
It was tough but nothing we couldn’t pull together as a family and survive. Nope it wasn’t any circumstance at all. It was quiet simply the behaviour of others and how that affected us.
The objectors to every move or lack of move we made had a lot to say. These people didn’t live our lives, they didn’t feel our groundhog day, but they felt that our priorities were incorrect and criticisms needed to be made. Others, just saw how we lived as some sort of great debate and hopped on their soap box for what they thought was an appropriate audience. Highlighting every fucking thing I had tried to do in an honest positive manner, as some sort of negative attack. (Awesome effort BTW,your high school debating team would of been proud. Sadly, I think you ended up looking like a twat.)
I twisted and bent myself so much to do things differently, just so that our life would return to some normality but I failed over and over. The haters kept hating. I looked into my Husbands eyes and saw that not only was he exhausted from putting us first, his soul was being destroyed by others words…daily. The stress of it all made me physically sick at times and as I was leaning over the toilet bowl one day not so long ago, heaving from how another’s’ vicious words had affected, me I realised something had to change. At the time I had no idea what.
Yesterday I realised that thing to change was me.
I said it to myself over and over and over. I said it until it screamed in my head as her thoughtless words rolled out.
It made me stand up straighter, it made my voice stop shaking when I replied, but most of all it showed her I wouldn’t stand for it any more. I AM ENOUGH.
So, 2013…as you look at me with a half cocked grin saying YEAH RIGHT LUV. I tell you now…I am a Wife, I am a Mother, I am an Employee, I am a Friend and a Daughter and if you think I have gotten to almost 36 years and not learnt anything about myself I will show you. I AM ENOUGH. You just test me.