Ms MMM's Mind

Being Fearless And Then Realising You Suck At It

20 September, 2015
File 20-09-2015, 11 25 23 AM

Sometimes you go into things without considering a negative fallout. Or you do consider it and simply decide you’re strong enough to handle it. If it ever happens. But it won’t because you are you and you never not succeed at something you put your head into. You’re stubborn and when something means so much to you there is not a part of you that won’t give it all you have.

You’re fearless.

Being fearless actually makes you feel stronger and all of your demons seem to be hidden away, maybe even lost to you while you are on your mission. The thought that they may ever come back to haunt you seems unbelievable once they have stopped hampering you daily. It’s a daily feeling of elation.

Being fearless.

It’s addictive even. The more you pour into it the better you feel.

Then out of the blue you wake up one morning and the fallout has arrived. It takes your breath away but you still decide to fight on. You fight on until you can’t fight anymore. There is nothing more you can do to keep this thing going. Moving forward. You might be stubborn and play hard but it’s out of your hands and you have more WTF moments in 24 hours than ever before.

Eventually you realise being fearless actually doesn’t work for you. Not ever actually. It is what it is. The universe is going to give and take back as it pleases and as much as you want to keep riding your wave to land you in the place you want to be, some arsehole has knocked you off your board and you’re back dog paddling with the demons.

And right at that moment when you wonder why this has all happened to you, all you want to do is drown.

But really all it’s done to you is taken away your fearless and replaced it with fear. Fear that you can’t trust the universe or yourself for that matter. That suddenly you actually don’t know who you are anymore.

And I guess that’s all fine isn’t it? Because you tried. And nobody will ever have a right to call you weak even if they look at you like your stupid.

Eventually you will be mad enough to try fearless on again. Even if you suck at it. Because you live in another dimension most of time. And that’s fine.

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