Family Home Mummy Mayhem

The Christmas I Learnt More Than Ever Before

26 December, 2013

Did you skip breaky this morning because you ate so much yesterday your food baby was still digesting it?

I did. In fact I think the 2.5 serves of sticky date pudding I consumed 15 minutes before passing out for about 10 hours is still keeping the food baby well nourished.

NOTE TO SELF : Do not feel compelled to wolf down the children’s left over desserts after you have already wolfed down your own. A reminder will be for the next few weeks as your thighs rub together in the stinkin heat.

Actually, we shared a pretty chilled out Christmas yesterday with Mr MMM’s parents. I am thinking I will call them by their old nickname the Oompah Loompahs on this blog. Granny and Grandpa Oompah Loompah live at the beach which is a mighty lovely place to spend Christmas.

We avoided becoming over commercialised with food and gifts this year. The Oompah Loompah’s are retired and as the mug suggests… Not rolling in it.


We bought Grandpa this mug and he loves it. That and a pile of junk mail and the old fella is in old man heaven.

My box of cleanskins from Uncle Dan Murphy went down a treat with the cold chooks and homemade coleslaw and I won’t repeat myself on the sticky date story.

Of course just like your Christmas Day, ours started early like 5 fucking am early and by 9 am, Mr MMM and I were doing this ..


NOTE TO SELF : Be more organised and wrap all present prior to the last second.

Interestingly, the kids seemed more excited by a letter they received back from Santa than the gifts in their Santa sacks. Miss M wrote him this note on Christmas Eve ..

Dear Santa,

I am just wondering if you are really fat?

Love M

Santa replied.

Dear M

Thank you for your letter. Yes I am fat and I quite like being fat. Please try and stay on my nice list in future.

Love Santa

There was one gift that kept giving all day though. It was Clive the roaring and walking dinosaur. He drove us adults crazy with his stomping around thinking he owned the place. Next thing he will be buying his own seat in parliament I reckon and building a dinosaur fun park. There is word that Clive has stopped roaring today. Such a shame those batteries had to be used on Mr MMM’s new nose hair trimmer.

By the afternoon, the day had turned a tad balmy. The outdoor spa had been fun but Mr MMM and I were craving a dip in the ocean. Given the two eldest offspring were complaining they were bored (I kid you not. Christmas Day, a sack full of damn presents and they were bored), so we packed the little buggers up to throw them in the ocean for all of their blasphemy.

20 minutes later we were back home. The beach was laden with shitful bloody sea lice. Mr MMM was the first to scream something was up his shorts biting his bits. I swam on rolling my eyes at the fiasco.

Then Lil D went off followed quickly by his sisters. So it was my turn to run from the water clutching my boobs making a scene. The little bastards had gotten into my swimmers and were having a good old nip.

NOTE TO SELF : if it is 30 degrees and nobody is swimming at the beach… THERE IS A VERY GOOD REASON NOT TO ENTER THE WATER YOURSELF.


This is me. Being nipped and folded up in the very back of our Kluger. Let’s say there is no elegant way of a woman being bitten like crazy by sea lice and climbing out the boot of a Kluger and if you know if a way … Let me know.

So after some fresh water outdoor showers aka a good hosing off from Granny, we all settled into the carport to wind up the day.

Nobody murmured being bored again. I did however learn something new about Grandpa though. He is the clone of Gus Portokolas from my Big Fat Greek Wedding. Everything gets Windex’d. Dirt on knees …? Here use the Windex that will get it off. Sea Lice bites? Here use the Windex that will fix it.

Not bloody likely Gramps but you go right ahead my friend.

So my day ended face first asleep in a pile of pillows. Flanked with 3 kids, wearing my new cheap and cheerful kaftan, attempting to alleviate some stomach pain, with a gob full of unbrushed teeth.

NOTE TO SELF : Do not trust Grandpa’s Windex advice and prioritise bedtime hygiene prior to laying still anywhere on Christmas night.

Hope you had a lovely day.

Stay tuned for more Windex helpful hints from Gus. Sorry I mean Grandpa.

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