About 6 weeks ago I received a letter in the mail informing me that I have been called for Jury Duty. It is a letter that has been arriving at least once a year since moving to this town about 16 years ago, so I know what the envelope contains before I even open it.
All of the previous years I have had a valid reason to be excused from the pleasure, however this year apparently being self employed mean’t I didn’t have just cause to be relieved.
So I was rather tardy in sending back the paperwork thinking they may forget about me.
But they didn’t. And as of tomorrow I am going to be doing my civic duty for 2 weeks. Which is just great. Not.
To be absolutely honest with you I am in no headspace to be dealing with other people’s shit. Because as you may or may not know .. I have enough of my own piling up, including a business to run and this here darn blog.
Given that I have had far too many hours sitting in my car today, I have a few ideas to make myself less favourable to the prosecution and defence lawyers.
They are as follows :
1. Take my 4 year old (still breast obsessed) son along and politely state he is breastfed. To which I know my darling breast obsessed boy will happily oblige if proof is required. (I may or may not then be tearing my hair out while convincing him afterwards that he doesn’t need it and Mummy was JOKING.)
2. Turn up rather disheveled and looking a bit skitty. (Basically me on any other day really)
3. Don’t turn up at all and wear the fine and maybe even end up in court requiring a jury too.
4. Phone my local tattooist and ask if he could give me a whopping neck tattoo tonight then walk in wearing a business suit confusing the fuck out of everyone. (Then pray a kick arse laser can remove it)
5. Claim to only speak Spanish since being concussed about 8 months ago.
6. Wink and purr as I strut past my selectors.
7. See the whole experience as a networking opportunity and hand out business cards.
8. Offer to live tweet the event. (thanks Vanessa from Normalness for this one)
Sometimes I even impress myself with my ingenuity…
Pray for me will you? Pray that I am not let lose in a jury and that my newly appointed assistant Julie survives taking the reins of my business inbox for the next 2 weeks.
Have you been on a jury? How did it go for you? Should I be looking forward to this or ?? Feel free to tell me to pull my head in and be a decent citizen.