Ms MMM's Mind

Getting Trapped In Dan Murphy’s And Other Christmas Cock Ups

25 December, 2014
mummy blogger

Christmas has been somewhat disorganised around these parts. Mainly due to my ailments that have left me feeling less like Christmas than ever before.

So I left it all to Mr MMM to organise basically.

That also included gift selection. As you will read below…this had it’s good points. AND IT’S BAD POINTS.

I had been focusing my mental strength on simply just driving the car again. That alone had me having nightmares. Which in turn meant i didn’t sleep well and therefore suffered more during the day.

However, when the day arrived to start driving again. I did so. I can be a dumb cow like that. Often get bitten more than once before I realise it isn’t good for me. It isn’t just with things either. It is people too.

Anyhooooo. A few days after commencing driving again, I packed Lil D and I up and headed to Hervey Bay to have a few extra days at the beach prior to Christmas with the In Laws/Out Laws.

This act was one mean feat I can tell you.

I stopped six times during the 3-hour journey. Which made it like 4 hours but that’s just what had to happen. I howled at times. But I did complete the journey without feeling I needed to institutionalise myself. (at the moment)

back driving again 

Lil D didn’t care as you can see here … he had his ‘iPad in the roof’ as he calls it. I also travelled with Esme my kitten. In a cat carrier of course but still .. just added to the pressure of the entire journey.  This picture was taken during Number 5 rest break.

I eventually arrived at our destination and had a nice long cup of tea and a rock in the corner.

From here on Granny took over so I could rest and try and get my head together for Christmas.

That eventually meant going Christmas shopping.  And driving the car to the shops.  Gah.

This was after a small boy tried to bite me on the face in a tantrum.

Leaving the house to drive was a great means to an end. Escaping a child like that made driving seem like a fabulous option.

IMG_3277.JPG

It was that afternoon that with some surprise and excitement I discovered Hervey Bay to now have ESCALATORS. Holy shitballs I was all over it. Texting Queen D and telling him to hurry the hell up and get here so we could ride them together.

Small things amuse small minds I guess. But hello…ESCALATORS.

IMG_3283.JPG

After shouting myself lunch, I came across this. A pony. You can imagine my delight when I realised that by spending a whole $10 on this, I would never be accused of not giving into my daughter’s wish to have a pony.

IMG_3303.JPG

The following day I woke up with this. One would think it could be some sort of wrestling accident. But I haven’t been wrestling. Nobody.

Thing is; I haven’t done anything to my leg to deserve such a branding. So that had my all worried.

As a result, I lathered up the fake tan in an attempt to disguise it. Didn’t work. Obviously. So I found myself telling some bullshit story that I was off chasing my pet Zebra when my Unicorn got jealous and kicked me one.

Fark me. Digressing much?

IMG_3305-0.JPG

Moving along is my sudden need to nap prior to collecting Queen D from his Mumsy’s house to head to drinks. Esme required snuggles too. Gosh, she is an awesome cat. Annoys the crap out of everyone except me and then sleeps on of my belly as a sign of solidarity.

Gee we are alike.

IMG_3489.JPG

Drinks were fab. I fell off the no booze wagon (Dr imposed booze ban PFFT) and had couple of cool beers. . Queen D was such a lady though. Ordered us a monster plate of wedges under the guise that the grease is great for our complexion. (Wrinkles I mean) And we inhaled them. Like ladies of course.

 

IMG_3323.JPG

Later, this happened.

Some dude got into our photo. Look at him. It is like he busted us spying on him or STALKING EVEN. We were simply parking to take a horizon shot. As you do.

NB. Queen D and I have never been known to be stalkers and never will be in the future. If at times we find ourselves in situations that look like we are stalkers, it is bad timing. Not stalking as such. Cause stalking is crazy. And we maybe many things. But crazy ain’t one of them. Well one of us anyway.

IMG_3287.JPG
On returning home at 4:30pm, I discovered my son asleep. Odd. Very odd.

I tried waking him at 5:30pm and he refused. Falling back asleep. He woke fully 14 hours later.

My suspicions are with Granny drugging him with Phenergan.

She states differently.

Whatever the cause, it was awesome, and I don’t envisage experiencing this again until he is 14 and nick named Sloth Stewart.

dan murphys

That 14 hours later landed us smack bang in the centre of Christmas Eve. Oh, sweet baby Jesus, it seemed I hadn’t been booze shopping. Dumb dumb dumb thing to do .. but Queen D and I tackled Dan Murphy’s.

Everyone was there. Old school friends. Old school friends ex husbands. Old school friends Mothers. Old school friends Fathers. Old school friends teachers.

Yup basically, everyone we went to school with were in Dan Murphy’s. Well, not really but that is just me suggesting we are the way we are as a product of our upbringing rather than Queen D and I being crazy, alcoholic stalkers.

Ok, back to it ..

IMG_3352.JPG

 

Mr MMM arrived in the Bay late that night.  I always find it amazing that I find him sooo irresistible when I haven’t seen him for a few days.  Oh man .. like jump his bones irresistible.

Then 30 mins later I am back to CAN YOU STOP THAT SHIT NOW and we are giving each other evil eyes.  (you know what I mean right?)

Now this is where our story gets interesting.  Mr MMM bought Lil D an airport for Christmas.  Yes you heard that right.  An effing plastic airport with a zillion components.  He placed thus said gift under the Christmas tree from Santa and retired to bed.

At 4.50am our small child sprinted to the finish line that was the Christmas tree in the lounge .. in the way a child so sick of being on the nice list does.

Of course Mr MMM follows and I sort of slide along behind, eyes half open.

The first gift off the tree was of course the Airport.  Which from now on in this post will be called the EFFING Airport.

IMG_3355.JPG

 

Here is the instructions.  I shall say no more on the matter.  Other than I was left to put the thing together.  The Urban Dictionary people arrived shortly after.  They had heard from the interwebs that a woman was hollering all sorts of great new profanities to the heavens whilst the remainder of her house slept through Christmas afternoon.

 

The EFFING Airport is now erected.  Some parts were left over.  Those parts are now in the wheelie bin.

Even the luggage conveyor belt works.

BOOYEAH.

New rule for Christmas gift giving : If the child cannot put the toy together himself.  The toy is more about the parent than the child and should be left in the store.

IMG_3362.JPG

 

 

Now Santa didn’t forget me this Christmas.  He had heard I had been a crash test dummy for Toyota Australia and brought me this neck massager thing.  It sort of worms around your neck.  Very erotic.  I mean exotic.

I also got a Robo Vac.  Who I now christen Roberto.  Granny isn’t willing to test him out on her floors so I am yet to find out how well he sucks.  Will keep you informed on this.

IMG_3483.JPG

 

Later when Mr MMM woke from his slumber .. I made him take me down to the beach for ice cream.  Mainly because I was cranky that I was refused desert.  Refused desert when I am wearing a fabulous food baby hiding DRESS LIKE THIS.  So I got my bloody ice cream.  Double scoop and inhaled it.  There was also no trifle in the house.  NO TRIFLE AT CHRISTMAS.  Blasphemy.

No rum balls either.

Remind me to never allow this to occur again.

Also, remind me to utilise Lil D more as the blog photographer.  He took this photo.  Not bad hey?

So yes .. that was our Christmas.

How was your’s?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You Might Also Like

  • Tegan26 December, 2014 at 9:23 pm

    Damn you had all the excitement! Your post also reminds me that I didn’t put out the Tim Tam Balls. Such a shame…they will be my consolation for putting up with my crazy family for a week.
    Tegan recently posted…A Merry Musings ChristmasMy Profile

  • Show Buttons
    Hide Buttons