When I was a little girl I wasn’t an aggressive child, opinionated or naughty …but if someone pissed me off, namely my parents I would bust out what my Mother still calls the death stare.
I would stand as still as I could locking my dark eyes on the individual without a blink channelling every bit of hate inside of me into them, in a ploy to smash their hearts into a thousand pieces.
Because I was close to my Mother and therefore spent the most time with her, she was the unlucky recipient of most of these death stares. I think at the beginning they must have hurt her dearly and for whatever reason she gave me the positive reinforcement and therefore power to keep doing it.
Eventually she hardened to it though and would say ‘you can give me that death stare all you like young lady but I will always love you’.
Her response started to send me fucking insane and I eventually stopped doing it.
Always love me my arse I would think. (Clearly I was wrong as this was my Mother I was talking about.)
I grew into the sort of woman that if you hurt me in anyway shape or form I would just walk. Gone. Ghost you even. Yup .. you’re dead to me.
Over the years I have been one of those people that couldn’t ever really say that to anyone when they were being horrible to me… you know.. ‘i will always love you’ but after having my children I realised that there was some types of love that were everlasting. Especially that of a parent and child.
Lately, I have been witness to some pretty bad behaviour from one individual towards another someone that they were mean’t to love.
Whilst the old Gayel would have said to my friend, just blow that joint, tell them to fuck off ,rise above that shit, you deserve better, I could clearly see that not only was my friend heartbroken, but they still bore love for this person that had provided them with a serving of betrayal like no other. And very clearly this other person still loved them.
I was reminded for the first time ever of this fairytale called ‘undying love’. It’s stupid and crazy at times. It can hurt like crazy one minute and feel like your sitting at the end of a rainbow the next. And sometimes you do just have to pack your shit and leave if certain boundaries are crossed BUT you may very well never stop loving them.
I could see that in my friend. Even if part of me wanted to slap them senseless throughout this ,I know their love for this other person isn’t going anywhere.
So this undying love shebang… It may mean you share an amazing life together or it may just mean you will just love that person and never be with them.
It’s still love hey?
Crazy fucked up love ❤️.