Writing this post may seem rather odd to those that take part in Dry July. I figure however, for the most of us shit- house-uncharitable-citizens who wish not to prove they can stay dry for an entire month, knowing how to prevent a hangover or limit it to say the least is one of those essential life skills.
I had written quite a few dot points to this post prior to asking the MMM Facebook gang their tricks. So incorporated into my tips are their tricks and together you find yourself on the path to being the most awesome hungover person ever.
Which incidentally has not been me many of times. AND which is why I feel I have the experience and qualifications to speak. Lets not even mention the time my Mother suggested I was an alcoholic…GASHP. Talk about over the top drama queen moment that was..on her behalf. It also had nothing to do with the time she decided to become a taxi driver .. which was also the time I turned 18 and if she wasn’t picking me up at some ungodly hour from a party or nightspot in her Ford Falcon Taxi Cab, one of her colleagues were. And that my friends is how you roll when you have an 18 year old daughter out on the town and dating a boy she believed was trouble.
Shite I have digressed here…
Let us begin.
1. Don’t drink.
Simple. Don’t want to do the time. Don’t do the crime. Drink something posh looking like Soda with a slice of lime and pretend it’s a G&T. Nobody need know .. raise your voice and make some slightly inappropriate commentary if you wish to really throw the team off the scent.
2. Stick to one drink and under no circumstances deviate.
NB. If you’re a Gemini like me and you love all the variety life can bring, this can be really really tough. Because you might start off with a wine over dinner, then a beer at the bar, then when you get all giggly with the girlies you ask the nice barman to pour you a cocktail and then before you know it ,you’re doing tequila slammers and the ugly lights are back on. Que hangover.
3. Stop drinking before midnight. And go home.
Repeat after me. GO HOME. Not get a lift home with your girlfriends and then wait for them to drive away only to ring more mates to come and pick you up to continue on your partying ways. (Did I do this once? .. recently?)
4. Food, water and pandadol/nurofen before sleep.
And might I also add…BRUSH YOUR TEETH ESPECIALLY YOUR TONGUE. (Preventing furry tongue could be an entire post all on its own.)
Rebecca from the MMM Facebook crew gave me the heads up on this one, and I guess if I am ever to return to my evil ways, I really should get myself some.
6. Greasy food.
Jennifer from Portland suggested Denny’s and seeing that this 24 hr cafe is only very new to me, I am pretty keen to give it a shot. Hail Oregon. STAT. There is a nice beach there too I am sure..what’s it called again? I guess Maccas or KFC will have to suffice until then.
7. Choose your mixer carefully.
I avoid all soft drinks these days and prefer tonic or soda water. The sugar in mixers, especially coke will have you feeling like something died in your mouth by the morning and maybe your tummy too. And you know what .. MAYBE SOMETHING DID.
Perfect for those of us who are arrherrmm allergic to the preservatives in wine and contract wine flu.
9. Eat a banana before bed.
I have absolutely no idea why a banana, but the lady who brought this tip to the table is one to be believed, albeit even if she is speaking in code for something else..who knows?
10. Gatorade/Berocca/Hydrolite/Magnesium before sleep.
11. Drink Shandies like Granny did.
Put forward by Lord Crampton of course as only a man in touch with all of his feminine sides would and his lemonade and beer.
12. Bacon and Eggs and a big fat No Bullshit Coffee.
(Ok so No Bullshit Coffee is how I take my coffee but you may prefer a short-black-skinny-latte-to-go-made-on-camel-milk .. I dunno. Whatever works)
I shall leave that particular tip open to your imagination…
Now, I am always about leaving you with 13 tips but I need to add one more. So let’s pretend its not a tip, just life advice.
Have yourself some and don’t lose them. If being home by a certain time was your rule. Stick to it.
If only have 2 drinks was your rule, do that.
Having rules and self restraint will see you waking up enjoying the
birds tweeting 2 children trying to murder 1 other child whom has just thrown guinea pig poo at the attackers. IN. YOUR. HOUSE.