You may have noticed, things around here haven’t been the same.
I haven’t been writing much.
People have been getting up my nose and it hasn’t been appropriate to write about it. GAH.
So, after a week of this dastardly behaviour, I have to admit I am feeling a little clogged up.
It wasn’t until a text message came through this afternoon ordering me to do something, that I realised I needed a large glass of prune juice and a cathartic post about how I have completely given up on seeing the brighter side of things this week.
It was going to be all self absorbing and vomit worthy about how I was overlooked as being my daughter’s Mum last week.
Fuelled with so much pissed off you would possibly never read this blog again.
And then this happened.
Instead of reaching for the prunes I went to the kitchen to boil the jug for a nice cup of CALM THE FUCK DOWN and I dropped Mr MMM’s antique tea jar.
Smashing the fucker to smithereens.
Then I replied to that bossy text message.
Shite I am in more strife for sure now.
So what I am going to write in this carthatic post is this.
THE ARSEHOLE ON EBAY WHO KEEPS OUTBIDDING ME
I need to purchase a blow up man.
A nice blow up man if you catch my drift. (one not assuming the mouth open position etc)
One like this. I was thinking of calling him Wes.
But every single time I bid on one, someone outbids me and it is DRIVING ME CRAZY. (if I wasn’t already)
All the BUY IT NOW one’s are from the UK. What does that say about the Brits huh?
I guess you’re wondering why a blow up man, I have a lovely real man.
Yes I do. But we are off to a fancy dress party and I need a blow up man as part of my costume.
So yeah. I had thought by now I would have secured myself a blow up man, named WES. But I haven’t.
I am not into walking into adult shops and I am a tight arse because I know someone at the party will steal my WES and lock him in their cupboard for their own desires so I don’t want to spend much.
So many dilemmas this afternoon can I tell you that?
Do I feel better? Meh…
Tell me where I can find me a blow up man for about $20 and I will return to my humorous self pronto.