Ms MMM's Mind

Meet My Inner Jerk

24 May, 2015
my-inner-jerk

I have spent a large part of my adult life working in an environment that ensures that nobody blossoms.  The tall poppy syndrome being very much alive and well there.  I knew this a very long time ago but still I didn’t feel the need to step away, as the security of such a job was at the time more important to me.  The way I sat so beautifully in my very own lack of confidence box was the most perfect way to deal with such an environment.

After I started this blog and met more people outside of the immediate world I worked and resided in, I started to see that I had a potential to do better for myself.  Opportunities arose and I jumped at them.  More and more  I started to see myself as someone that had a lot of potential instead of someone that needed to fly under the radar of the bullies and their followers.

Mid last year my lack of confidence box started to become a tight fit as I started to grow my wings.    I knew I had to leave the safety of it very soon.

So  I bravely and somewhat confidently ditched that warm and safe but soul destroying box.

And I had no idea what personal battle was about to take place.

Over the past few weeks, so many fabulous professional opportunities have come my way.  People have arrived in my life that not only are amazing individuals themselves but they think I am all it too. And at times it leaves me wondering why.

And that is where the wheels have fallen off my wagon.

Let me now introduce to you My Inner Jerk.

I had no idea that she ever really existed, she was just the soft whisper that held me back always.  But with every whisper that convinced me to stick with her, she THRIVED.

I have to take an entire responsibility for her existence.  For at the end of the day, I fed her by simply listening.  I could have told her where to go and confidently went on with my life doing anything I wanted to take on.. but I didn’t.  I sat back in safety instead.

So our relationship has come to a head just lately since our eye to eye meeting.  From my point of view, there is no room for her anymore.  But she is putting up a huge fight to stay.

And she won’t.

She won’t because I deserve to be the person I want to be and I now live in a JERK FREE ZONE.

I have to thank three pretty awesome people that have arrived in my life just lately for my confidence to fight My Inner Jerk.  Some of you have stood in my face and told me I can do this.  Others have written me the most amazing messages of confidence and support.

GAME ON. JERK.

x g

 

 

 

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  • Toni @ Finding Myself Young24 May, 2015 at 7:25 pm

    Oh yep I know exactly how that feels!
    Toni @ Finding Myself Young recently posted…Easy Sausage Roll RecipeMy Profile

    • Gayel Stewart-Airs25 May, 2015 at 4:38 pm

      Nasty hey ? I hope your jerk knows she isn’t welcome too 🙂

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