My road doesn’t match my map..

16 January, 2012

Every single day I have a plan of what I want to achieve. Something’s in my list are a little ambitious but that’s who I am.. I like to be busy and set myself some goals. This is no written list .. It’s all in my head. A dream of domestic bliss Martha Stewart style…However, My map in my mind never matches the road I am on during my day.

I read about this once in Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart by Gordon Livingston, MD …. And he suggests if the map doesn’t agree with the ground, the map is wrong.

There are so many external pressures to motherhood these days. There is always a suggestion of how we can do it all better, the perception that being a SAHM is like having lazy Sunday everyday and so many do’s and don’ts that seem to change every five minutes. Is it any wonder I find myself depressed with my situation at times and day dreaming of my fast paced job where I always walked out feeling I had achieved something. But I love my family more than that job. I don’t want to be back there yet.. I have things to do with my kids.

I really do think this is what is holding me back from real happiness. I get caught up in what I haven’t gotten done and I feel miserable. I feel like a failure and I know my body language must be horrible for my family to observe. I guess this was the reason for this blog. I wanted to create more memories with my beautiful children instead of feeling frazzled each day with the washing that wasn’t put away or the dust on the cabinet.

I need to be realistic however… How can my house look like it’s being photographed for Home Beautiful magazine when my kids need me to help them learn, create, have healthy meals and be happy? I have a reflux baby … His needs change like the wind. Some days he is so full on, needing my full attention all day and night. Other days he loves life and will play and allow me to potter about doing chores and the odd things I enjoy.

When I am old though the days I will remember are the ones where I held my little boy and rocked him in my arms when he was struggling in pain … Not how every room in the house was spotless. I will remember baking with my kids, I will remember the water fight that hot sunny day, I will remember the times we all laughed and smiled.

Yeah it’s not working this map in my head. Does it matter that my house is untidy? My house is always clean.. I wouldn’t have it any other way but are there toys laying about and a whole couch full of clean washing in the side room. Is it really hurting anyone ? No.

Tomorrow … My map is going to be more simple. One chore … The rest of the day will just happen. By the time my husband walks in at 5.30pm he may have to step over a toy but I will be smiling… Why? Because I have taken the time to notice things my kids are doing .. Shared with them maybe a laugh or two. Yeap .. Tomorrow my map is being screwed up and tossed out the window. I am just going to wander along the road and see where it takes me .

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