Family Health Mummy Mayhem

My Rookie Error

28 December, 2013

I am not a strategist. I usually just jump in and go my hardest at anything . 9/10 times I sink and then I get back up and use my experience to attempt to kick some arse.

That is the story of my life. I can explain many life cock ups away because of this trait.

I do wish however I had of considered my position in the swimming pool at 7.30am yesterday. It may of saved me almost drowning at least 20 times.

See, I went to water aerobics with Granny. I had watched Lars take the class a few days earlier and thought .. Piece of piss! Book me in Granny. I going to remove the Christmas waistline addition.

Well it turns out Lars, thought that 2 days post Christmas was the perfect time to bring some Tough Mudder to his little aqua group.

How was I to know this? I thought I would just slip into the pool inconspicuously, up the back, far off to the deep side. I could touch. Just. I seemed to be away from the hard core aerobics ladies and that suited me.

Well biggest dumb arse thing I have ever done.

Spitting profanities only had me swallowing more water as Lars had us kicking like fucking hairy goats under water. Good core strength he said. Yeah right mate… As I sink to the bottom and he has to dive in and revive me.

(No that didn’t happen but that is what I was sorting of dreaming of happening.)

I decided to focus on something on the side of the pool in an attempt to keep my head nice and high up.

Why does that drink bottle say candida Granny?

It doesn’t love it says Canada no keep your mouth shut or you will swallow more water.


So how about a tow rope Granny? This running up and down the pool is killing me.


Push up’s on the side of the pool?

I don’t bloody think so. I am worried my juggly wubblies may come flying out.

Oh thank God stretching. By this time I have snuck back down to the smart arses that hung out at 1.4 metres.

So tip for the rookies … Stay shallow loves. Stay shallow.

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