My school holiday psychosis occurred for the first time ever these September school holidays. I think the dynamics in my children have changed with age (now 4, 10 and almost 13) and my god it took all my strength to not request a stay in a special facility somewhere.
I guess attempting to work from home whilst having all 3 home with me was always going to push me over the edge .. but you know me, if I am not pushing one boundary somewhere I am slamming my sanity another way.
Please find solace in my documenting of the situation. I am currently sitting at home ALONE. I have ceased rocking in the corner and justifying all sorts of bad things going into my gob and coming out of it for that matter.
Oh and also .. feel free to hashtag the shit out of #schoolholidaypsychosis I like to not feel alone.
If I stand still here they will stop..won’t they?
Ok we are onto the hair pulling …
5 – 4- 3 – 2 – 1
Fuck they’re calling me Mum. Who am I ? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Another day in paradise.
I said unstack the dishwasher. I said unstack the dishwasher. I said unstack the dishwasher.
I DON’T NEED TO SAY PLEASE I AM THE FUCKING ADULT.
Ok so there is a fair chance I will be changing the wifi password today.
Did you just cut your sisters hair? Why did you cut your sisters hair? It isn’t even funny. Stop laughing.
You could’ve at least used something more than the garden scissors.
Yup you deserved that one. Next time maybe not use the garden scissors.
Or maybe not try home haircuts at all.
Sorry I don’t know why you’re calling me Mum little person. This body could not have created such noise.
You put all the cat food tins in the freezer? Why?
There is a special place in hell for Fathers who suggest this woman has no control of her children during school holiday period.
It consists of thawing cat food in the boot of your car.
Did you just try drink straight from the cold water jug? The cold water jug you have thrown a fucking minion in?
You’re 4. You have just graduated from a god damn sippy cup.
You made me a coffee you say? How? You’re 4.
No don’t throw a fucking minion in my perfectly made coffee. Just give it to me and don’t burn yourself. I don’t want to have to explain to an emergency department doctor you are making Mummy coffee these days.
I know all 3 of you are quiet because you have your gobs full of my chocolate stash. I know this.
Go hard. Just go quietly.
You called a pregnant lady FAT AMY?
Oh sweet baby Jesus…I am changing my name. If they guess it I will answer them.
Nope .. that’s not my name. I changed it. Nope not Mummy either. Here’s a hint..it starts with J.
Until you guess it .. I shall be rocking in the corner.
NB. this post is based on true events. except the bit I changed my name. I didn’t. But someone I know tried to and whilst I think it was pretty fucking brilliant considering the hard work and effort…I also want to throw sand in their eyes for it.