I have mentioned on here before my love of showering late at night in darkness. It helps to put me in the correct gear for decent sleep, which is something that I have really really needed this year with being that sleep has become my enemy
This was not going to be the case on Wednesday 24th of June 2015.
It was late. Very late. I had spent 4 hours working with a client on his website and I rocked on home at 11:21pm. The day had been a busy one and due to feeling not so flash with my usual shit aching back and neck pain, I hadn’t eaten much. But I had drank lots of water and considered hanging out of a tree upside down to put back right what seems to be causing me grief in my spine. But I didn’t. Mainly because I am a shocking climber and lets face it, getting stuck up a tree could possibly be the most ridiculous call for help ever.
I raced in at 11.21pm, the moon was out in spectacular fashion and I had the sneaking suspicion I heard it tell me to get to bed. So without distraction I headed straight for the bathroom. Didn’t turn the light on of course…stripped off and turned on the shower.
Firstly, it appears I may have only turned the hot tap on.
Which then caused a bit of a ouchie jump around in the shower dance to avoid the heat until I could reach the cold tap.
Secondly, this caused me to step on something. Hairy maybe. Like wet hair.
Thirdly, I slipped. On the way down I remember thinking, shit I am fainting.
Fourthly, I was brought to my senses at the bottom of the shower by a sharp thing jabbing into my leg. (praise sweet baby Jesus this wasn’t jabbing into anything else)
Fifthly, in my daze I grabbed at the thing jabbing into my leg and took a good look at it as the shower now pelted down god damn arctic waters.
Well HELLO BARBIE.
A Barbie that I had bought Miss M about 4 years ago and had been thieved by D Man last year during his more feminine phase. A Barbie that still loved to take baths with my son. A Barbie that always seemed to be looking rather trashy in the bottom of the shower. Like she had been out on the town all night or something and passed out in the shower. (Not that I would know what that looks like or anything or even done it..maybe.)
So there I was, feeling rather dizzy in the bottom of the shower, with a Barbie looking as equally off her face.
Eventually I got myself back up and threw that Miss Off Her Face Barbie as far as I could. Then proceeded to continue showering.
Of course in the lack of light, I squirted a cup load of conditioner into my hand and proceeded to lather up becoming a further slip hazard.
At this point, I was done. The silence and calm of my dark shower was shattered by me screeching how many fucks I did not give for anyone who dare leave shit on the floor of my shower again.
The next day I found Barbie. Face down, wet hair. On the freaking toilet paper. The last roll of toilet paper.
Toilet paper had swelled so badly .. it was no longer available for use.
And as you can image I did give many fucks at this point. Many actually.
CUE CLUSTERFLUFF. (yes I said that correctly) By Ben & Jerry’s. It is the correct answer to all woes.
Ps. I now shower under candle light. Much safer. xxg