Dearest Little Darlings,
Below is a list of stuff I would like for Christmas. I think you will note there is something for all budgets on this list and should see that we are both happy on Christmas Day.
Please note when thieving from your Father’s wallet to fund any/all of these gifts be careful not to be caught. And if you are .. tell him you are donating to charity. He need not know that it’s his Wife’s charity for all the flipping giving she gives all year.
Here we go …
1. An indoor plant I cannot kill. Or one that doesn’t mind sitting on death row with a small chance of reprieve.
2. He is tall, slender and can suck really well. His name is Dyson V6 Absolute.
3. Marc Jacobs smelly stuff (the stuff that doesn’t make Dad sneeze..or maybe just get the stuff that makes him sneeze, I don’t mind)
4. For you to do your chores without me having to repeat myself 324 times a day. FOR THE WHOLE YEAR.
5. Jewellery. Nothing tacky though. You lot know what I am like .. make it original. None of that mainstream shit. But if mainstream means diamonds, I am ok with that.
6. A driver. As in someone that will drive me anywhere I want to go. He must come with defensive driving skills, look fabulous in a suit, be happy to hand me a coffee as I enter the vehicle and be FIT. Dunno why I added that last bit .. but just thought you know, can’t have the criteria too easy.
7. Candles. The nice big ones in glass jars that smell delicious. Kmart have some on for $6 that are DEVINE.
8. PEGS. As in clothes pegs. I am so sick of searching for whatever the hell you kids do with the ones I buy. So by asking you to buy the next lot..we may actually have pegs to hang our clothes as you will appreciate how much the buggers cost.
9. Pens. Black medium point please. Trendy on the outside would be lovely too. But only in the colours I like. No hot pinks or shit. Subtle hues.
10. And last but not least … THIS. I love it. If you can steal money from all and sundry to finance it my little darlings .. do it ! You know that your Mother requires her fill of weird stuff in her house and this my little loves is IT for this year.