I write this post as I lay down with Lil D to feed him off to sleep in our bed. He has never slept in his own room all night ever. I have a million things to get done as I do every night but settling my little boy peacefully down to sleep is our priority.
When his Sisters are home it is our routine to put them to bed first. Lil D often jumps into bed with them while we read a story or talk about our day but then as I turn off the lights he makes a dash for our bed where he waits for me to come in.
Some would say that at 22 months old, the fact he doesn’t sleep alone or even nod off to sleep without me holding him is going to cause us issues in the future. I would of probably been one of those people a few years ago too.
I barely care though. Few will ever understand the horror I felt when I discovered Lil D not breathing one morning when I was desperately rushing to get the girls to school. He was 3 weeks old and in those seconds when I grabbed him and threw him onto my shoulder praying for him to start screaming again, all of my parenting ideals went out the window.
For weeks I barely slept unless Mr MMM was around to watch our little man. He slept upright on our chests. I believed that while he was listening to our hearts nothing would take him away from us.
Eventually, he was diagnosed with severe infant reflux and whilst diagnosis should of made things better for us it didn’t and I continued to muddle along. The one thing I knew I could do was get him to sleep a little if I slept with him. We ensured it was always done in the safest of ways and mostly we slept upright with him on our chests as this helped the reflux anyway.
The habit was formed way back then and tonight he really doesn’t need to be sleeping in our bed as things are alot better. He should be sleeping with his baby doll and teddy that he so lovingly puts to bed in his own bed in his own room. However, he isn’t. He is in our bed. Right there beside us if he gets reflux during the night and needs some help, right there if he needs a breastfeed and right there in the morning to say Good Morning Mummy, Good Morning Daddy. Precious. My heart aches just thinking of his sweet little voice.
I know co-sleeping isn’t for everyone and nor should it be. The safety of the baby is of the utmost priority, however in our situation it was how we survived mentally and physically so we did everything we could to make it safe. Infact, many couldn’t sleep the way we still do on the edge of the bed with no pillows and a toddler asleep spread eagle in the middle, but we somehow do.
Oh how I long for him to sleep in his own bed though … And every night I ask him about trying his own bed and every night he looks at me and points to our bed and says ‘that is my bed’.
I have no idea how or when he will move into his own room. Life is too short to worry about such things.
I will let you know if he is still bringing his size 10 feet into our bed in 14 years time though, but somehow I think this will be unlikely. I pray that by then I have a strapping young man that is calm and sensitive because I have nurtured him through thick and thin.
How do you feel about co-sleeping? Has your ideals on parenting changed from what they used to be?