Today has been rough. It is Father’s Day and it feels like Mr MMM has done more for us than we have him.
See, Lil D has had a rough time the last week with gastro and a reflux flare. It seems like all I have done is breastfeed, change dirty nappies and carry him about consoling him.
I crave for a couple of hours alone to clean my house. Funny huh? I am not a lover of house work but the frustration of having to just do the minimum to survive is starting to eat me up.
I am so grateful for Mr MMM and all of his amazing support because it really does feel like many people are beginning to think it really isn’t as bad as we say.
It is easy for those who don’t live a reflux parents reality to judge but stay a night or two with a family dealing with this hideous disease and you will change your mind.
Some will say…just put him down and let him cry.
I can’t, that is just cruel.
Some will say … Just ignore him wanting breastmilk all of the time.
I can’t, it is the main source of his nutrition at the moment.
Some will say …Don’t worry about his food refusal so much,it can be normal.
I can’t, this isn’t normal. He associates his food with pain and has an underdeveloped swallow.
Some will say … The reflux shouldn’t be so bad anymore no he is walking and it is now just behavioral.
This is incorrect, when he has no reflux he is the happiest little man you will ever know. He cries and screams in pain …not to be an annoyance.
Some will say … There must be something the Paeditricians can do.
There isn’t, I know I have asked and also begged.
So today is hard also because my little boy suffers from the same disease my Dad did, only left untreated for most of his life meant my Dad developed cancer and died.
My Dad never met my little boy that shares his rotten reflux gene. Dad would of thought Lil D was awesome. Today on Fathers Day they would of had the best day together I know.
As a baby, my Dad was classed as being a colicky baby. He was lucky to survive from his food refusal. It hurt to eat but as a baby couldn’t tell anyone that other than to cry or perceivably misbehave. How my Grandmother coped I have no idea…she was a tough woman.
He was always misunderstood my Dad. He was a twin. His twin brother grew to being a strapping 6ft. My Dad stopped at about 5’4 and was skinny…never interested much in the big meals most men of his era enjoyed. Fussy many said. During his illness I tried every trick in the book to get him to eat…but it hurt like it always had.
So today as I struggle with another Fathers Day without my dear Dad, I feel sick with the knowledge that Lil D has the same disease. I am grateful for medical research into Infant Reflux and dedicated Gastro Paeditricians, modern reflux medications and organizations like RISA. Without them my son wouldn’t be getting the best start in life he could possibly have and I would probably be clinically depressed.
So to the three most awesome boys I know…My Dad, My Husband and My Son, Happy Fathers Day. I love you all to bits…and I know a Mother is only given what she is capable of handling and a Dad can give us some of the greatest memories to keep throughout our entire lives.