It has only been the last couple of weeks that I have started to feel ‘all grown up’. At 37 and almost a half I might add.
I have made some huge decisions on my career, taken a huge leap of faith and have been walking around feeling largely responsible.
So yesterday morning when I was making my way in my car, to my work colleague’s house to prepare food for our Christmas party, the last thing I would have thought was that I wasn’t in control of my life.
But that was utter BS.
Proven to me by another road user failing to give way and slamming into me at high speed. Hurtling me and my car 60 metres down the road..
I don’t remember much. I don’t even think I saw the car that hit me.
I do remember my car spinning out of control and me wondering if it was ever going to stop.
The car did stop eventually. Before or after I was knocked out I don’t know.
Despite buying my 2012 Toyota Kluger brand new and doing so on the basis of its safety check and front and side airbags.. No airbags deployed when I was hit by this car and then in turn spun out of control hitting a sign and landing in a culvert.
I do believe I had some Angels looking after me though.
My friend who I was to meet and prepare for the Christmas party with witnessed the entire accident, is a Dr and stayed with me the entire time.
My children were not in the car. God forbid if they were they would have been badly hurt for sure. Given that lack of airbag thing. (Toyota can you just check you even installed the bastards in my car?)
One of the paramedics was my daughters’ friend’s mum.
One fireman was my work colleagues son.
My beautiful husband held my hand during the entire time they spent cutting me out of the car.
Oh and hell … I was wearing almost matching underwear. Which was handy seeing so many people saw them after my favourite summer dress was cut off me.
Talking about all of this is hard tonight. I am feeling like a wreck and in pain. The knowledge now that I don’t have the control of my life I once thought shakes me to the core.
Being strapped up like a cocoon because it is feared you have a fractured pelvis and put in a helicopter only metres from where your car lays possible does that to you.
Makes you all shaky.
Fucked up even.
I wonder if I will ever muster up the courage to drive again. You know drive with the knowledge that you could be written off the road by another driver at 10:30am in the morning.
But I am a stubborn shit and rarely have I let adversity stop me. So I will get over it.
And if I have learnt anything from this lack of control bullshit it is ….
to always wear your best undies and damn it if you end up wearing only them, smile as much as you can.
Cause you’re alive.
Thank you to everyone who have sent messages. I will get back to you all eventually.