I have been a little quiet this week. It has been alarming hasn’t it ? Yes well, it has been worrying for me too. I am not sure if I have ever had such a wordless few days.
I don’t think it is anything too serious though. I have just had a bit going around in my head with Fundoplication # 2 for Miss M impending later in the week.
It is mostly, Mother’s Guilt shit. The very fact I cannot blame myself directly for my little girls reflux has sent me thinking about everything that lead us to discovering she was suffering from silent reflux.
I once put her toddler tantrums down to stubbornness. Her tiny stature and lack of appetite down to taking after my side of the family and being a smaller person. Oh how wrong I have been… For years :(. I pray it is going to be over for her very soon. I hurt when she hurts.
So then because I don’t have enough to think about, I go over and over in my head how I can do better for Lil D. Ensure he doesn’t end up the failure to thrive Miss M has. She weighs 20kgs at the age of 8. I must keep a careful eye on his weight progress. I must watch his food intake.
Damn it. When will I learn? Forcing the refluxer to eat makes their symptoms worse. So we roll around in pain all night. I get little sleep as I breastfeed on and off. Oh yes we still do that. The breastfeeding thing. I am so fricken over it you would not believe. I do deals with him. You can have 1 minute D man. Is that a deal? Yes Mummy. But deals in the middle of the night when he is screaming in pain are ridiculous. I give him what he needs to help soothe his pains.
My goodness I wish I could have the pains instead of him. Instead of both the kids in fact. It is bullshit they have been given this shit so early in life.
So yeah I have lacked bloggie inspiration. I have lost my mojo. I am sure it will turn back up when I am not feeling so worried and uptight.
It had better actually. I am even finding myself boring… And I may then need to consider it has something to do with an impending birthday I have coming up. Incidentally, last year I wrote this. Still not sure I have found a magic potion. Have you??