Before I get into the why’s and what for’s of what I wore to my Husband’s Vasectomy, I think I should bring you up to speed with the history of #teamsnip.
Why He Is Being Snipped
Basically, other contraceptive methods are not recommended for me. We still own a reflux child not the average 3-year-old. He never grew out of it. Neither did my daughter, and the thought of having another baby with that vile disease makes us both shudder. We feel it is the most responsible thing we can do for our family and ourselves. So it’s #teamsnip all the way.
Why He Wasn’t Snipped Back In December
You may remember that Mr MMM was booked to be snipped back in December 2014. Sadly, due to my car accident two days prior he proudly strolled into the Dr’s surgery on the day of the booked procedure and pleaded his case. ‘Wifey isn’t well, and who will hold the frozen peas for me?’
Of course, the girls in the surgery knew this was only a narrow escape for this old dog, and I would be marching him back for another booking.
And I did.
Saturday Morning Prior To V-Day
With pre-snip jitters, Mr MMM broached the subject with a friend of ours, while we were all out on Saturday morning. Our friend is a Doctor, so it made sense to quiz him on the finer details of the recovery, maybe just not so appropriate while we are all downing our chai latte’s and nibbling at scrambled eggs.
Our friend (The Doctor ) says, ‘Man! What you doin that for? That’s bad bad bad.’
Insert an evil chuckle from The Doctor friend.
Mr MMM turns to me and says, well I am fucked now aren’t I? I can’t back out of it .. it’s Saturday, and it’s too late to cancel.
My response was sharp. YOU NEVER WERE GOING TO CANCEL DARLING.
Sunday Afternoon Prior To V-Day
Of course leading up to such a procedure, the patient is always told to prepare the area being operated on by shaving. So at Lil D’s nap time Mr MMM took off to the bathroom to remove all fur from the crown jewels. In a bid to not be available to provide the moral support he was weeping about needing during this pre-operative preparation, I took myself off for a rest with Lil D.
With my eyes almost closed I heard my phone beep. Thinking it might be a message of great importance, I reached for my phone, only to discover it was an update photo from the bathroom. Don’t worry it wasn’t a nudie shot. We aren’t into that sexting business. In fact Mr MMM’s idea of sexting is sending me a pic of his mug late at night. This image was more a nod of the job had been done if you get what I mean?
Now I have a tweetable from Mr MMM here (which I didn’t tweet at the time).
‘The razor was so blunt I almost put the Dr out of a job.’
And with a half blunt razor and all .. because I forgot to buy new ones that morning at the grocery store. Funny I forgot though, because I bought the frozen peas.
His footy mate served me at the checkout, and I was making every attempt to get him to ask me what I was going to do with all the frozen peas. Because my response was going to be loud and proud, ‘oh they are to rest Scotty’s nuts on after he is desexed tomorrow.’
Sigh .. he never asked what the peas were for, and only wanted to know if I had just come off shift. Possibly because I looked like shit. Go figure. So alas, none of the footy boys will know why their ruckman is away from training this week. That is as long as they don’t avidly read this blog. Which they might but then again .. most probably not because it is out of season, and I am not taking my regular stretching shots of them for blog posts.
The Night Before V-Day
Like every other evening really. No pre-snip jitters at all. But he did say one thing during an ad break.
‘my generic line ends today.’
Ermm you mean your genetic line ends today? I retorted giggling.
A friend on FB posted this from the golf course. Ain’t that some timely marketing? ROI to the MAX
The patient woke as per usual time on the day of the procedure. He drank tea for breakfast with his cereal instead of his usual cappuccino due to coffee pods being out of stock.
Patient frequently toileted at home prior to leaving for the procedure. He drove himself to the clinic, so wasn’t entirely emotionally incapacitated.
Procedure took longer than expected due to one ermmm getting STUCK? (Patient’s description)
Wife states patient walked to the car similar to how she walked after she birthed a 4.5 kg baby and had a subsequent 3rd-degree tear.
Patient made himself comfortable on the couch when home, but did complain the 1kg bag of frozen peas laying on his crotch were too heavy. Wife/Nurse/Maid reduced the size of frozen peas to 250gms and patient found this much more pleasurable.
Patient also swallowed a crumpet, 2 x panadol, Fanta soft drink, 2 x nurofen and a teaspoon of cement. The cement was given to limit the whining.
Patient’s son continually complained he wanted blueberries. Patient’s wife explained to the son that she had already bought blueberries. They had cost $520 and would mean he would always be the youngest child.
NOW FOR THE EXCITING BIT ..
What I Wore
I firstly wish to say that I am not a fashion blogger. In fact at times I could be the anti-fashion blogger. Bed hair, pj’s, coffee in hand and on the school run. Awesome!
So this maybe the first and last time you see me doing a fashion like post.
Outfit accessories were particularly chosen in honour of Mr MMM today.
Lee Slim Fit Jeans, FRANKiE4 ALiX, Portman’s Top, Dangly Bits Earrings (In Honour Of Mr MMM’s bits), Leather and Oval Nut Look necklace, iPhone 6 (to document the day and be ready to call ambulance in case of emergency)
What I wore to my husband’s vasectomy
#everydaystyle #whattoweartohubbysvasectomy #stylesnips #snipstyle #whatgoeswithgreenpeas
(Thank you Kathy for the appropriate hashtags)
I must fly now. I do have a very important patient in the house you know, and I think he deserves a big foot rub or the offer of a fishing trip or something.
Before I leave can I just ask you to pray that he doesn’t accidentally let the elastic on his jocks go while inspecting the jewels, causing him to slap the incision area with all the force of undies elastic?
Cause that just happened.